Sunday, February 19, 2012

Lent. A new perspective for me.

Lent. What is it and why are people always "giving something up" for it?



My husband has taught me well that fasting is a matter of the heart. And when we claim to eagerly give up chocolate or sweet drinks or meat as our great sacrifice for lent I step back and immediately question the motivation behind such proclamations. I believe the Lord does care that we are healthy for His work, but I doubt he cares much at all about you looking good or losing that last five pounds. So, are you doing it for Him or for yourself?

Why are we reluctant to "give up" the significant things? Deceitfulness. Selfishness. Bitterness. Perpetual dejection. Because it actually does require something of us? Because it makes us feel? Makes us uncomfortable? It gives us the chance to grow (if we let it).

Instead of "giving something up" for lent I'm considering "putting something on"and I'd love to hear your comments and suggestions about such ideas.

I'm horrible at making eye contact (deep-seated insecurities buried in the dark places of my heart) so I was considering "putting on" self confidence with the motivation of fostering more genuine relationships. I don't know when I initially realized this about myself. It's been years. And no matter how I've tried in the past, I struggled to maintain eye contact during conversations. I'm quick to look away, look down, fiddle with something just so I don't have to look up.

There's just something about eye contact that I find immensely intimidating. There's a lot of hurt and pain behind those eyes that I want to keep hidden, fueling my fear of judgment, acceptance, and self-preservation. It's been a hard lesson to learn that my attempt at self-preservation leads to consistent disconnection with those who love me, friends who want to get to know me better, friends I want to get to know better, and so on.

So I'm going to do something about it. With the Lord's help. For the glory of God. That my desire to abandon my fear and embrace who He wants me to be may be fleshed out with intentional action.

I encourage you, too, to brave the upcoming season of Lent and make an impact on who you are in Christ. Be free. Glorify God.

And back to the what and why of Lent, I graciously defer to those smarter than me.

Find good suggestions for lent here. And guess what, there's an app for that!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The pain within. Happy birthday to the son I"ll never know.

Happy birthday to the son I'll never know.

I never had the chance to tell you how special you were to me.

I never had the opportunity to hear your voice.

I never was able to get to know you in any way.

But, I know you were loved. I know you knew you were important because I chose life. And I know you knew exactly who you were in Christ.

And yet, in a moment of deep dispair, you made a decision that will forever shape who I am and all those around you. And I grieve.

And yet, there is hope. And God is glorified. And people grow closer and love deeper because of you.

Rest in peace, sweet Jeffrey.



Psalm 103:8-17
The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust. Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die. The wind blows, and we are gone--as though we had never been here. But the love of the Lord remains forever with those who fear him. His salvation extends to the children's children.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's. A year of redemption.


Each year when Valentine's Day comes around, I find myself pondering deep thoughts of all the different "loves" in my life. I bet many of us do this.

My "loves" encompass everything from my adoring husband to my precious children to talents God's entrusted unto me to our church to our family, our friends, and more.

I revel in how blessed I am. And I am humbled.

I revel in how God's love is evident in every aspect of my life, even when life is hard. And I am amazed.

-Last year I don't even remember Valentines.
-Two years ago my world was upside down and I didn't even know it.
-Four years ago, God surprised us with Johnny.
-Twelve years ago, I was as giddy as a schoolgirl, planning my wedding... (okay-I WAS a schoolgirl planning my wedding!)
-Today, I eagerly profess my "loves" and find the affirmation of God's love peppered throughout my very existence.

Here's a poem I discovered from a fellow blogger:


Oh, how I'd tried to love You Lord
In deed, in word, in praise,
But all had failed to satisfy
Until You'd changed my ways

You'd told me I must drop it all
My efforts won't suffice
Then face Your love, with an empty soul
That's stripped of all disguise

With love, that cannot be described
By any words of men
You'd filled my soul, erased my fears
Each longing satisfied

And in my heart as a response
There rose a tidal wave
Of passion I could not control
For God who longs to save

I see not love comes not from me
It only passes through
You're the beginning and the end
Of all the love that's true

We can do nothing without You
No need to plead or fuss
We're only able to love You
Because You first loved us.



Friends, you are loved.

And there's more love than you could ever imagine just waiting to burst out of you.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Who am I and what am I for?

What has shaped me? What have I experienced that makes me who I am? Hardships, joys, love-these are all powerful things which have a great impact on developing who we are. So who am I and what am I for?

I am loved. I am appreciated.
I an wounded. I am weak.
I am patient. I am impatient.
I am a servant. I am selfish.
I am still learning. I am a teacher.
I am an example, not always a good one.
I am a child of the Most High God.

I was made to learn to love like God loves. And though this may seem very simple, it affects every part of who I am and I have a lot to learn and a long way to go.